One of my clients arrived for his session feeling deeply disturbed. His circumstances were such that he had lost all his belongings, was living with someone as a favor, had separated from his spouse and was experiencing disease in his body.
He was also infuriated by his perception that others did not respect him and were laughing at him behind his back. He could not stand the fact that people were calling him bad names. He felt that they were forcing him to believe in and see things the way they did; and he profusely refused to do so. He was filled with harsh judgments against himself, others and his circumstances.
During our coaching session, I asked him: “if someone calls you a billionaire, does that make you so?” He immediately answered with a loud “NO” and recognized that all the name calling he perceived from others did not make him so.
I also asked: “what makes you a billionaire?” He waited several minutes and answered in the form of a question “money??” and then he completed, “but I know some miserable people with billions of dollars.”
Suddenly, he realized what defined one as a billionaire or as anything else is one’s inner experience, which not even billions of dollars could buy. He also recognized he was the only one who truly knew his inner experience.
If he has a miserable inner experience, it’s ok to own it. It is ok to be miserable, as long as he owns it because, by owning it, he is in the position to choose what to do with it.
By owning his inner experience, he started to identify himself with what was within him, rather than what was happening around him or what others were saying to or about him.
He learned that he could change expressions just like he changed clothes. One day, he may choose to wear black and gray, and the next, orange and yellow. It doesn’t matter the color of his expression. It matters that he owns his expression and recognizes his power to choose it daily, minute by minute, breath by breath.
He came to the profound realization that he owns his expressions, and not the other way around.
This client concluded our session feeling like he won the lottery. All he had wished for - to have his own space and be himself - was right inside of him, right there and then, available at all times, regardless of his circumstances in the physical world.
